The subject we teach most often through the "Watch and Learn" method is moral education. Sometimes, we do it intentionally and sometimes, not so much. Sometimes, we teach them what we would like them to learn, and sometimes, not so much. This means that long before we teach our babies to say "mama" or "dada," we teach them what we believe is the proper response to a crying baby. We teach them what we believe is the proper emotional response to having our hair pulled.
I have thought about this, endlessly, since Lucas entered this world. I am very careful about what I say or do in front of him. I try my best to control my emotions and facial expressions. This is even one of the main reason we chose to homeschool Lucas. No one can deny that the teachers teach their students much more than just math and science. The things is, a lot of the teachings are unintentional. The information will not be sent home in the "What We Have Learned" folder.
The third week into school, Lucas and I had a field trip to a local farm. We went apple and pumpkin picking with the Mothers' Club. There were people in charge (that were not me), other children, other moms and many strangers doing the same type of things we were doing. It was exactly what field trips are for other students. As with many other field trips, this one was not as perfect as we would have wanted. There were parents complaining and children whining. Some were justified, some were not. Despite it all, Lucas enjoyed himself. Since I felt that it could have been better, I decided to treat him for lunch afterward.
We went to eat out at a place where you can get pancakes any time of the day. Lucas was in heaven! It was expensive but we really don't do it often. I forgot all about the expense once the first bite of food entered my mouth. Seriously, it was really good! After a few minutes of thoroughly enjoy our food, Lucas had to do a quick potty run. It was quick. Less than two minutes! We came out all ready to dive back into our "breakfast for lunch" and found an empty table. Yes, an empty table. In less than two minutes, they had assumed that we had finished and left, without paying, and cleared the food and drinks and utensils and, well, everything! I let the server know that we were not done. They apologized, remade the food and brought it out to us again. We ate a bit more and packed the rest to go. We paid and left, smiling.
How is this related to teaching Lucas about right and wrong? Throughout the field trip, no matter what was happening, I made sure Lucas remembered to see the glass as half full. Through it all, no matter what goes wrong, he knows that we are lucky to have each other. Lucas was all smiles. However, the field trip really did go well, so it is not that hard to be all smiles when you are five and have apples and a pumpkin. Surely I would have to remind him about thinking positively when his pancake was taken away? Nope. He had to remind me. "It's OK mommy, they said they would make it for us again." "Mommy, at least we're still eating here together."
This post idea did not come about to tell you how wonderful a job I have done. Actually, it is quite the opposite. After leaving the restaurant, I was beaming with pride. I had successfully taught Lucas to be positive. Surprisingly, he had begun to teach me about being positive. I told everyone about our day. I was completely caught off guard when someone told me that my behavior was not appropriate. The exact phrase used was, "Way to be passive!" Did I mention that, not only had I paid full for the meal, I left a full tip? I felt that it was not the server's fault, it was someone else who worked there.
Now, I am left thinking, what did I teach my son that day? Yes, be positive. But, did I teach him, unintentionally, that our time is not important? That we do not deserve great service? That we should let things go and move on when wrong has been done? Those are not things I want to teach my son. Our time is important. We do deserve great service. We should attempt to correct wrongs that have been done. I clearly chose to ignore these and only actively teach positive thinking. I would probably take this path every time.
I have been thinking about how I can fix this problem. However, there is no correct solution to this problem. When a mom kisses her child goodbye, embarrassing the child, she chooses to do so believing that the kiss is more important. The best I have come up with is to be aware that I am unaware of some things. The best I can do is to find other times to teach missed lessons. Whatever moral lessons I teach Lucas, wanted or not, I feel comfortable knowing that I am the one teaching them to him. For better or worse, I would rather that Lucas learned more from family and friends than strangers.
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